A 5th grader asked her mother the age-old question,
“How did I get here?”
Her mother told her, “God sent you.”
“Did God send you, too?” asked the child.
“Yes, Dear,” the mother replied.
“What about Grandma and Grandpa?” the child persisted.
“He sent them also,” the mother said.
“Did he send their parents, too?” asked the child.
“Yes, Dear, He did,” said the mother patiently.
“So you’re telling me that there has been NO sex in this family for 200 years?
No wonder everyone’s so damn grouchy around here.”

Sounds fair…sounds like my family!

Today is my 5th day without smoking and I’m proud of myself even if my husband isn’t. Infact…he has given little if any encouragement towards me giving up. I’m not sure if its because I’m moodier than usual and am taking my frustrations out on him…or whether he really doesn’t care one way or the other as long as I get off his case!

I know I’ve had a few moments when I could have killed him of late. It’s been like he’s intentionally doing things that he knows will piss me off, stress me out and drive me to smoke again so he can say “I knew you couldn’t do it”.

So yesterday I asked him why he didn’t support me in my decision to stop smoking. He said that he did, but hated the fact I took my ’smoke free short fuse’ out on him. (It is only the two of us at home now…and he is a ‘pig’ around the house, so who else would I take it out on?) but I think the most hard hitting comment was “I do want you to give up smoking because I worry about your health. The cigarettes may not kill you, but they could cause other life threatening diseases that will” (wait…this is the best bit!) “and you might die and then I’d lose the house and couldn’t pay the bills.”

Holy fuck!!!! Now is it just me…or is that the biggest ’stab in the heart and give it a twist’ comment you’ve ever heard? No mention of being heart broken because I’d died, no mention of loosing his life partner…lover…best friend. Just he’d lose the house and couldn’t pay the bills. I think I’m still ‘gob smacked’

Now, I’d like to point out at this time, I am currently taking Zyban pills to aid in my attempt to quit smoking and I am aware that they wreak havoc with your mind. But shit…even the pills can’t make this comment any worse than it is.

Hence to say…we haven’t spoken since. I see where I stand in order of importance in his life and whilst I would be totally devastated by his death (and I honestly dread to even think about it), I can assure you the house, the bills and anything else would not even come close to entering my mind.

Agh…what does one do? Maybe these pills ARE doing my head in…but hey! I still haven’t lit up!