Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance–particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and installed undesirable programs such as AFL 5.0, The Ashes 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed…Desperate.

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: “http://I thought you loved me.html” and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If the application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the snoring loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7

Good Luck, Tech Support

Dear Desperate and Tech Support,

Husband 2.0 upgrade isn’t any better than Husband 1.0. I’m beginning to think Husband (whatever version) is an inferior product with no warranty or money back guarantee!

Signed, Disillusioned

Looking to UPGRADE?

In the past 2 hours I’ve read 3 different blogs all discussing feet and of all things…socks!

My personal opinion on the matter is ALL feet are ugly. I don’t care if the toes are manicured or not, whether you’ve just treated yourself to a luxurious pedicure or if you’ve soaked them in a rose petal foot bath…feet are nasty no matter how clean they are. They’re sitting in your socks (or stockings) and for hours on end, then stuck in your shoes where they sweat and the fungus multiplies…eeek! That conjures up all sorts of pictures in my mind.

One blog I read wrote…”wouldn’t you love to be tied to a bed where I would spread your toes apart and suck each one individually?” ….argh…NO…not likely! Just the thought makes my body spasm (and not in a good way either)

Remember back to 1992 when Fergie (that would be Sarah Ferguson not Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas variety) was pictured in the newspaper having her toes sucked by Texan Steve Wyatt? What a scandal that was for the Royal family. Back then it wasn’t such an advertised thing, but these days it appears to be quite the fetish…who’d have guessed it would be so popular…certainly not me!

Another blog site wrote…”He walked out in nothing but his sports socks and threw me on the bed where we had the hottest sex in a long time” He wouldn’t have been throwing me on the bed…I’d have been busy ‘throwing up’ !

How very ‘un sexy’ is a naked man (or woman for that matter) looking to get amorous in a pair of sock? And it doesn’t matter what kind they are…sports or explorers, they’re all a total turn OFF when it comes to sex.

Picture this…I’m curled up on my huge bed in my sexy lingerie. The sweet smell of fragrant oils burning filled the room. The lighting is dimmed and in you enter…you walk across to the bed and I move my body to yours. You look down lovingly as I swivel my legs from beneth me to reveal…my “old pink bed socks” (well, I had cold feet!) That just blew the moment didnt it!

Seriously guys, how can anyone be turned on by having their toes sucked or two naked bodies rubbing…socks?

Feet may not be sexy…but check out these Sexy people