AUSTRALIA — Ask the average person if they like a little spanking, biting, wrist holding, role play, or even blindfolding in their sex life and many will serve up a shy or enthusiastic affirmation. Ask those same folks if they’re into BDSM and they’ll likely claim disgust at the very idea.

What’s the difference?

Australian researchers have uncovered what those in the United States have also found to be true: unless tapped into a self-identified kinky community, most people who at least occasionally enjoy dominance, submission, or SM-type activities absolutely resist having them identified as BDSM.

This was only one of several revelations discovered during Australia’s first national survey of the nation’s fetish habits, according to The Sydney Morning Herald.

The phone survey of 20,000 men and women let researchers know that two-percent of Australian men and 1.4-percent of Australian women have added a little spice to their naked romping during the past year.

Head researcher, Dr. Juliet Richters of the University of New South Wales thinks the real numbers are likely to be higher. “There will definitely be more men and women who have sexual tastes in this direction but won’t call it this,” she explained to the press. “They might not like sex magazines, but they just happen to like being tied up and spanked as part of foreplay.”

But don’t ask them if they think that’s BDSM, because “they’ll say ‘Yuck, no,” according to the good doctor.

This will be among the findings presented at the World Association of Sexual Health congress being held in Sydney this week. Also on the table will be the fact that gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and bi-curious individuals are more likely to admit fetish desires or behavior, the under-20 female crowd and women without live-in partners are more attracted to BDSM behavior, and those likely to participate in such saucy sensuality are also more likely to try other things, including phone and anal sex, online porn, and sex toys.

Additionally, Richters’ crew found that BDSM positive responders were not any more likely than the average Australian to have experienced sexual abuse, coercion, anxiety, or difficulties. On the contrary, men who admit enjoying kinky games were considerably more likely to have higher psychological wellbeing scores than were those who claimed to like it mild.

“It might be that they’re more in harmony with themselves because they’re into something unusual and are comfortable with that,” Richters conjectured. “There’s a lot to be said for accepting who you are.”

These are words that at least some male participants in the study might take to heart, given that those who were found to be the least happy were men who did not identify as gay but found themselves resisting attractions to other men.

by Darklady Mistress of YNOT

Looking for a BDSM partner or just a bit of slap and tickle?

I know you’ve heard advertisers and marketers blow wind in your ears and eye with all sorts of magical ways to get more dates and maybe some of them work. I do know that if you can imagine the person in your mind that you’re seeking it’s a lot easier to find him or her. If you don’t yet know what sort of person would be a good fit for you, now is the time to sort that out. Some people have told me that all they want is a man or a woman, they don’t care about anything else. What hogwash! Nobody is okay with just anyone and if they were, who’s want to be with them anyway?

Get a pencil and paper and start answering these questions and it’s important to note which qualities you do not want as well:

Race?
Body shape?
Body size/weight?
Hair color?
Eye color?
Education?
Interests?
Religion/spirituality?
Occupation?
Honesty
Trustworthiness? Sexuality
Interest in sex
Sexual interests?
Respect?
Sense of humor?
Appearance/style?
Automobile?
Salary?
Personality?
Sensitivity?
Intelligence?

Once you have this list made out, you’ll have a picture in your mind of the person you’re looking for. Ok, maybe the hair color will be a bit off or maybe the eye color isn’t important to you and you might not care about what car she drives or what he does for a living, but in all of those answers is the person you seek.

Read over your answers and close your eyes and see if you can see this person in your mind. Most people can.

Now I promised you three words that will get you more dates than anything else you’ve tried:

“Write to them.”

Simple, isn’t it? You would be amazed at how many people say they aren’t very lucky at online dating sites and a check of their account activity shows they haven’t written to more than 2 people in months. You don’t need Cyrano De Bergerac writing for you either. Be yourself, that’s the person others want to get to know. Keep those three words in your mind whenever you log in to your favorite site.

It could be as simple as writing:

“Hi, I’m Ted and I saw your profile and want to say you are one good looking woman. If you aren’t overwhelmed with email, I’d appreciate it if you’d check out my profile and photo and let me know if there is any interest. I’d appreciate a reply even if it’s to tell me how to improve my profile!”
Women love flattery and they like to help people so you’ve done both in this simple email. You could also try:

“Hi, I’m Ted, a single guy living in Phoenix. I love to watch auto racing and go to the races every chance I get. If you like auto racing and would like to accompany me to a race, check out my profile and get back to me. I checked your profile and see that you’re only 18 miles from me and you’ve got a great smile that got MY motor going!”

No more excuses, you can have a wonderful relationship but you must take that first step. Don’t say that dating sites are too expensive - compared to a night out, they’re cheap. Don’t say they take up too much time - you’re alone for pete’s sake, you have time. Don’t say there are too many fakes - maybe there are, but there are real gems there too and you can find them. Good luck!