For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing
with women. Finally, this merit guide will help u to understand just how it
works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the
woman happy. Do something she likes, and u get points. Do something she
dislikes and points are subtracted. You dont get any points for doing
something she expects. Sorry, thats the way the game is played. Here is a
guide to the points system:

Simple Duties:

You make the bed +1
You make the bed but forget to add the decorative pillows 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets -1
You leave the toilet seat up -5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren you resort to kleenex -1
When the kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom -2
You go out to buy her extra light panty liners with wings +5
In the snow +8
But return with beer -5
And no liners -25
You check out a suspicious noise at night 0
You check out a suspicious noise at night and its nothing 0
You check out a suspicious noise at night and its something +5
You pummel it with a six iron +10
Its her cat -40

At the Party:

You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for awhile, then leave to chat with a colleague -2
Named Tiffany -4
Tiffany is a dancer -10
With breast implants -18

Her Birthday:

You remember her birthday 0
You buy her a card and flowers 0
You take her out to dinner 0
You take her out to dinner and its not a pub +1 Ok it is a pub -2
And its all-you-can-eat night -3

A Night out with the Boys:

Go with a mate 0
The mate is happily married +1
The mate is single -7
Not for long…its his stag night -10
He has a liking for Kings Cross Establishments -50

A Night out with Her:

You take her to a movie +2
You take her to a movie she likes +4
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
Its called Death Cop III -3
Which features human eating Cyborgs -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15

Your Physique:

You develop a noticeable beer gut -15
You develop a noticeable beer gut and exercise to get rid of it +10
You develop a noticeable beer gut and resort to loose jeans and baggy
hawaiin shirts -30
You say ‘it doesnt matter, you have one too’ -800

The Big Question:

She asks, ‘Does this dress make me look fat?’
You hesitate in responding -10
You reply ‘where?’ -35
You reply ‘No, I think its your bum’ -100
Any other response -20

When she wants to talk to you about a problem:

You listen, displaying a concerned expression 0
You listen, for over 30 mins +5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience +50
Your mind wonders to the cricket and you suddenly hear her say ‘well
what should I do?’ -100
You have fallen asleep -200

Its that time of the Month:

You talk -100
You dont talk -150
You spend time with her -200
You dont spend time with her -500
You are seen to be enjoying yourself. GAME OVER-YOU LOSE!!!

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man
has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands!
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the
wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?

SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?

SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

ULTRASAFE : Here, have some M&M’s.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?

SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.

SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!

ULTRASAFE: Here, have some M&M’s.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?

SAFER: What did I do wrong?

SAFEST: Here’s fifty dollars.

ULTRASAFE: Here, have some M&M’s.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?

SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.

SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

ULTRASAFE: Here, have some M&M’s.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?

SAFER: I ! hope you didn’t overdo it today.

SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe!

ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more M&M’s.

Another thing to giggle about. My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

When I’m in a good mood, it turns green. When I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he’ll buy me diamonds.

Here have some M&M’s.